I see some people do “Truthful Tuesday” where they tell truths about themselves. Here is one for me:

I haven’t really missed my grandmother after her death. At least I thought I did until the other day when I felt something different. A sudden great sadness and I knew that was really what it was like to miss someone passed. 

I was working at my catering job. There were lots of people all going there own directions. Down this long hall I saw an old woman struggling with a walker creeping down the hall looking very confused. People seemed to almost be tripping over her. I went to her and she was trying to find a party. No one I called knew where this party was or had heard of it. Turns out she was not even at the right location, as in she should have been miles across the city somewhere else.

Seeing this lady wandering the halls and no one helping her just made me think of my grandmother. I would have flipped out if that had been her. People treating this strong independant woman like an annoyance and no one stopping to help her when clearly she was in the wrong place.  

I felt this intense sadness then. It’s lessened a bit the past few days but still there. 

When my grandmother was still alive, at night when I would drive by her house I would check to see what lights were on. If the bathroom light was on that meant she was having trouble and I would have to stop by and help her to bed. They are of course always dark now but I still find myself checking.